David
2016-10-29 11:42:51 UTC
10 OBSERVATIONS MADE WATCHING 'GILMORE GIRLS' FOR THE FIRST TIME AS AN ADULT
HEATHER SNOWDEN
Considering I spent the majority of my young adult life bingeing and
re-bingeing on teen classics like Buffy The Vampire Slayer, The O.C and
Gossip Girl, it would be reasonable to assume I'd grown up comforted by the
warm glow of the #GilmoreGirls too. But you'd be wrong.
I started watching Gilmore Girls but a few months ago and boy, did I make up
for lost time. Forgoing social events and sleep, I've spent months,
wide-eyed and rest-deprived, falling in love with the Stars Hollow clan and
all their madcap traits. At age 27, I now know that I am firmly in
#TeamLogan, Emily Gilmore is my idol, and Luke Danes basically pioneered the
lumber-sexual look.
However, and perhaps it's because Gilmore Girls didn't reach my eyeballs
before I grew cynical, there are quite a few things that became seriously
irritating the more I watched. Below I've listed 10 of my biggest irks with
the show that, try as I might, I just cannot stamp out.
1. They're Constantly Ordering Junk Food But Never Eat It
First things first: Lorelai and Rory are genetically blessed with
clear complexions, dazzling teeth and figures to kill for, so the fact they
can spend their days ordering burgers, fries, doughnuts, Chinese take-out
and liter upon liter of coffee seems wildly unfair. But that's probably
because ordering the food is actually all they do. Does Lorelai ever take
more than one bite out of a burger? Does the sugary dust of a doughnut ever
powder her pout? No. In fact, you only have to watch Alexis Bledel finger
her food to know in good faith that fry is going nowhere near her chops, let
alone thighs.
But why is fast food even a big deal in the first place? Why is
greasy, fattening food used as a metaphor for their independence? Is taking
care of your health that square? Would eating an apple cause those witty
quips to fall flat? While grabbing a take out from time to time would be an
obvious signifier that the Gilmores are about to kick back and enjoy a
seriously indulgent movie night, the relentless manner in which their
gluttony (and obviously fake gluttony at that) is applauded is just a bit
lame.
2. They Never Pay For Food Or Coffee At Luke's
Lorelai essentially stealing coffee from Luke's diner
How often would you say Lorelai frequents Luke's? You know, the diner owned
and manned by long-term friend, love of her life, Luke. Well, when they're
on good terms, she probably hits it up for coffee and snacks at least once
per day. So then you'd think, what with a good human wanting to support a
friend's business — especially considering she runs one herself — that she'd
pay her way. However, over seven seasons she never once hands over dollars
for her goods. Outrageous behavior!
[she did occasionally leave money, in the beginning, and
when she was mad at Luke]
Also, even when you discount all the free shit she gets at Luke's,
how does she afford the rest of her lifestyle? She's always well dressed,
rarely wears the same thing twice and, as she never cooks, she gets take-out
for every meal, all on a supposedly tight budget. Yeah, right.
3. Lorelai Is Kind Of The Worst
Boy, is this a woman who's perfected the art of holding a grudge.
Ok, so Emily and Richard Gilmore are hyper-critical, quite controlling and
yes, they did try to sabotage her relationship with Luke and yes, they do
talk about her "mistake" WAY too much, but are they the worst people on the
planet? No. So why does Lorelai act like they are? Every move her parents
make to try and involve themselves in her life, Lorelai reacts with a
petulant pout, unable to see (despite being a mother herself) that their
efforts come from a place of love; why else would they go to so much effort?
In fact, so hateful is she towards them that she likens her mother
to Hitler in a national publication. They're paying to put your daughter
through an expensive education, for Christ's sake. All they want in return?
One dinner with you per week.
To her credit though, at least she's consistent with her
self-involvement. When Max Medina proposes, she accepts only to jack the
whole thing in days before the wedding. When her best friend gives birth?
Get back in the kitchen, Sookie, we have a business to run! When Luke is
trying to adapt to becoming a father to April? I'll give him an ultimatum
and if he takes too long to answer, I'll just shag my ex as punishment. Not
cool babe, not cool.
4. Rory And Lane's Friendship Is Boring
All these girls do together is study and talk politely about things
happening in Stars Hollow. They're not best friends. They're rarely there
for each other, have completely different lives and their stories barely
intertwine. Remember Rory's speech at Lane's wedding? She read out a
suuuuper boring high school note about some random guy Lane once had a crush
on, after stating she didn't "have any incriminating pictures to share" —
seriously? You're 21, your best and oldest friend is getting married and you
do not have a single amusing or embarrassing memory to commemorate? That's
just so ... sad.
5. Rory Takes Her Privilege For Granted
As Lorelai fled her parents' overbearing clutches and opted to
raise her baby in a shed, later switching it up to a fairly sized (ok,
massive) porch-fronted pad in Stars Hollow, Rory didn't exactly spend her
formative years shielded by the plush cloak of obscene wealth. However, the
minute she steps foot in Chilton, her life becomes unquestionably entangled
with privilege. And, while I don't blame her for spending her grandparents'
dollar to advance her education, she never really acknowledges it. What's
more, she mocks those who do.
After attending private school, moving onto Yale, vacationing in
Europe, living in a series of very nice apartments — did your university
dorm room look anything like Rory's? No, I didn't think so — and landing a
coveted internship at one of the country's principle newspapers thanks to
dating the CEO's son, not only does Rory have no clue how easy she has it,
but she has the audacity to poke fun at the very crowd she's moving within.
After attending Logan's launch party in Season 7, she pens an
article attacking the attendees and quite rightly — Logan's reaction was far
from warm. Didn't she realize he's included in the pool of people she so
clearly hates, regardless of her own involvement? Even before this point, at
the beginning of her second year at Yale, in reference to the rest of the
newspaper staff, she whines:
[Everyone else] "had these amazing, productive summers, and me,
the person who’s been talking about being a journalist her entire life, what
did I do? I wasted two whole months running away to Europe."
Quick — someone pass me a tiny violin. Of course, nobody is perfect,
and I get that her readiness to scorn trust fund kids stems from her mother,
but sometimes Rory's total lack of self awareness just makes her seem like a
bit of a dick.
6. They Make The 30 Min Drive To Hartford From Stars Hollow Seems Like An
Epic Quest
Most Americans have to drive 30 minutes to get anywhere on a daily
basis, yet the Gilmores make the half-hour drive to Hartford from Stars
Hallow seem like the most arduous task. Take this Season 6 scene, for
example. Emily's botched laser eye-surgery leaves her temporarily blind, so
Lorelai takes her on a drive to run a few errands and makes the following
typical dig:
Lorelai: "So we've driven almost as far as Stars Hollow. Now
I'll have to drive you all the way back to Hartford."
Emily: "Well, I'm sorry, Lorelai. Next time I have some sort
of illness, you can put me on an iceberg and float me out to sea. Let's go."
It's not that far, so what's the big deal?
7. Michel Is A Super Bad Employee And Should Probably Be Fired
Although I adore Michel's sass, how has this man kept his job? All
he does is stand behind reception, seething with hatred; he has zero
patience for guests, rather reels off insults in French and complains about
his life. On top of that, he's beyond rude to Lorelai and Sookie. Not
exactly the ideal candidate to front a quaint country inn.
8. Where Is Lane's Dad, Mr. Kim? And Kirk's Mom?
These characters are referred to constantly throughout the seven
seasons of Gilmore Girls. Lane's parents are referred to in the plural: Mrs.
Kim even acknowledges she had sex with her husband once. Kirk lives with his
mother for a huge portion of his adult life and blames her for many of his
madcap mannerisms. But where the hell are they!?
9. Can You Imagine If Everyone Talked As Fast As Lorelai Gilmore?
This section was going to be titled "Why Is This 15 Year Old Girl
Allowed To Drink So Much Coffee?" until I realized the reason Rory is
allowed to drink an unholy amount is so she can keep up to pace with her
mother. Just watch the clip above [click the link] and, unless you just
popped 20 Adderall, your head will literally spin off its perch while
attempting to keep up.
10. The 'Bad Boys' Really Aren't That Bad
As Rory is a total goody two-shoes, it makes sense that her
boyfriends become the ying to her manicured yang, a means to build her
character and, frankly, make her day-to-day a little less dull. Throughout
the seasons the partners she chooses are deemed "bad boys," but if you think
about it, they're that not bad at all — they're merely teenage boys who
aren't as mollycoddled by their mothers as Rory is by hers. Think about it,
let's look at her three main guys and the reason why Lorelai hated them
initially:
Dean: The minute Rory started dating Dean, Lorelai was
suspicious, hating on him purely because he was from out of town and seemed
a bit thick. In the end? He proved himself to be a kind, caring, much loved
member of Stars Hollow; the only issue being, he was just a bit dull.
Jess: After Dean came Jess, an intelligent guy whom Lorelai
despised thanks to his blasé nature and the fact he stole one beer. To be
fair, he was a bit of an ass to Rory, but he was a teenage boy torn up about
his home life, stuck sharing a one-room apartment with his uncle and,
because of this, understandably a bit pissy. In the end he ditched Rory (and
regretted that move for years to come), but he never actively meant to be a
bad boyfriend.
Logan: Rory's university love, actively shit on by Lorelai
because he was a trust fund kid who, initially, was a scared of commitment.
Yes, he was shitty from time to time, he's a guy in his early 20s enjoying
life and his privilege, but a "bad boy"? No.
I really could continue but, to save digression or the impression
that I don't absolutely adore the show, I shall shut up, leaving you with
the following list of thoughts to tickle your thought-buds up until Gilmore
Girls: A Year In The Life hits Netflix on November 25th.
Other thoughts:
They spend so much time on the phone, their bills must be ginormous!
Why does Paris want to be a doctor when she so clearly hates all
humans?
Why does everyone still listen to Taylor?
What happened to Alex? Did Lorelai literally kill the competition?
[He was the guy who wanted to open a coffee shop and had Lor
sample coffees with him.]
How big is Stars Hollow? There's only like 20 people in every town
meeting.
David
HEATHER SNOWDEN
Considering I spent the majority of my young adult life bingeing and
re-bingeing on teen classics like Buffy The Vampire Slayer, The O.C and
Gossip Girl, it would be reasonable to assume I'd grown up comforted by the
warm glow of the #GilmoreGirls too. But you'd be wrong.
I started watching Gilmore Girls but a few months ago and boy, did I make up
for lost time. Forgoing social events and sleep, I've spent months,
wide-eyed and rest-deprived, falling in love with the Stars Hollow clan and
all their madcap traits. At age 27, I now know that I am firmly in
#TeamLogan, Emily Gilmore is my idol, and Luke Danes basically pioneered the
lumber-sexual look.
However, and perhaps it's because Gilmore Girls didn't reach my eyeballs
before I grew cynical, there are quite a few things that became seriously
irritating the more I watched. Below I've listed 10 of my biggest irks with
the show that, try as I might, I just cannot stamp out.
1. They're Constantly Ordering Junk Food But Never Eat It
First things first: Lorelai and Rory are genetically blessed with
clear complexions, dazzling teeth and figures to kill for, so the fact they
can spend their days ordering burgers, fries, doughnuts, Chinese take-out
and liter upon liter of coffee seems wildly unfair. But that's probably
because ordering the food is actually all they do. Does Lorelai ever take
more than one bite out of a burger? Does the sugary dust of a doughnut ever
powder her pout? No. In fact, you only have to watch Alexis Bledel finger
her food to know in good faith that fry is going nowhere near her chops, let
alone thighs.
But why is fast food even a big deal in the first place? Why is
greasy, fattening food used as a metaphor for their independence? Is taking
care of your health that square? Would eating an apple cause those witty
quips to fall flat? While grabbing a take out from time to time would be an
obvious signifier that the Gilmores are about to kick back and enjoy a
seriously indulgent movie night, the relentless manner in which their
gluttony (and obviously fake gluttony at that) is applauded is just a bit
lame.
2. They Never Pay For Food Or Coffee At Luke's
Lorelai essentially stealing coffee from Luke's diner
How often would you say Lorelai frequents Luke's? You know, the diner owned
and manned by long-term friend, love of her life, Luke. Well, when they're
on good terms, she probably hits it up for coffee and snacks at least once
per day. So then you'd think, what with a good human wanting to support a
friend's business — especially considering she runs one herself — that she'd
pay her way. However, over seven seasons she never once hands over dollars
for her goods. Outrageous behavior!
[she did occasionally leave money, in the beginning, and
when she was mad at Luke]
Also, even when you discount all the free shit she gets at Luke's,
how does she afford the rest of her lifestyle? She's always well dressed,
rarely wears the same thing twice and, as she never cooks, she gets take-out
for every meal, all on a supposedly tight budget. Yeah, right.
3. Lorelai Is Kind Of The Worst
Boy, is this a woman who's perfected the art of holding a grudge.
Ok, so Emily and Richard Gilmore are hyper-critical, quite controlling and
yes, they did try to sabotage her relationship with Luke and yes, they do
talk about her "mistake" WAY too much, but are they the worst people on the
planet? No. So why does Lorelai act like they are? Every move her parents
make to try and involve themselves in her life, Lorelai reacts with a
petulant pout, unable to see (despite being a mother herself) that their
efforts come from a place of love; why else would they go to so much effort?
In fact, so hateful is she towards them that she likens her mother
to Hitler in a national publication. They're paying to put your daughter
through an expensive education, for Christ's sake. All they want in return?
One dinner with you per week.
To her credit though, at least she's consistent with her
self-involvement. When Max Medina proposes, she accepts only to jack the
whole thing in days before the wedding. When her best friend gives birth?
Get back in the kitchen, Sookie, we have a business to run! When Luke is
trying to adapt to becoming a father to April? I'll give him an ultimatum
and if he takes too long to answer, I'll just shag my ex as punishment. Not
cool babe, not cool.
4. Rory And Lane's Friendship Is Boring
All these girls do together is study and talk politely about things
happening in Stars Hollow. They're not best friends. They're rarely there
for each other, have completely different lives and their stories barely
intertwine. Remember Rory's speech at Lane's wedding? She read out a
suuuuper boring high school note about some random guy Lane once had a crush
on, after stating she didn't "have any incriminating pictures to share" —
seriously? You're 21, your best and oldest friend is getting married and you
do not have a single amusing or embarrassing memory to commemorate? That's
just so ... sad.
5. Rory Takes Her Privilege For Granted
As Lorelai fled her parents' overbearing clutches and opted to
raise her baby in a shed, later switching it up to a fairly sized (ok,
massive) porch-fronted pad in Stars Hollow, Rory didn't exactly spend her
formative years shielded by the plush cloak of obscene wealth. However, the
minute she steps foot in Chilton, her life becomes unquestionably entangled
with privilege. And, while I don't blame her for spending her grandparents'
dollar to advance her education, she never really acknowledges it. What's
more, she mocks those who do.
After attending private school, moving onto Yale, vacationing in
Europe, living in a series of very nice apartments — did your university
dorm room look anything like Rory's? No, I didn't think so — and landing a
coveted internship at one of the country's principle newspapers thanks to
dating the CEO's son, not only does Rory have no clue how easy she has it,
but she has the audacity to poke fun at the very crowd she's moving within.
After attending Logan's launch party in Season 7, she pens an
article attacking the attendees and quite rightly — Logan's reaction was far
from warm. Didn't she realize he's included in the pool of people she so
clearly hates, regardless of her own involvement? Even before this point, at
the beginning of her second year at Yale, in reference to the rest of the
newspaper staff, she whines:
[Everyone else] "had these amazing, productive summers, and me,
the person who’s been talking about being a journalist her entire life, what
did I do? I wasted two whole months running away to Europe."
Quick — someone pass me a tiny violin. Of course, nobody is perfect,
and I get that her readiness to scorn trust fund kids stems from her mother,
but sometimes Rory's total lack of self awareness just makes her seem like a
bit of a dick.
6. They Make The 30 Min Drive To Hartford From Stars Hollow Seems Like An
Epic Quest
Most Americans have to drive 30 minutes to get anywhere on a daily
basis, yet the Gilmores make the half-hour drive to Hartford from Stars
Hallow seem like the most arduous task. Take this Season 6 scene, for
example. Emily's botched laser eye-surgery leaves her temporarily blind, so
Lorelai takes her on a drive to run a few errands and makes the following
typical dig:
Lorelai: "So we've driven almost as far as Stars Hollow. Now
I'll have to drive you all the way back to Hartford."
Emily: "Well, I'm sorry, Lorelai. Next time I have some sort
of illness, you can put me on an iceberg and float me out to sea. Let's go."
It's not that far, so what's the big deal?
7. Michel Is A Super Bad Employee And Should Probably Be Fired
Although I adore Michel's sass, how has this man kept his job? All
he does is stand behind reception, seething with hatred; he has zero
patience for guests, rather reels off insults in French and complains about
his life. On top of that, he's beyond rude to Lorelai and Sookie. Not
exactly the ideal candidate to front a quaint country inn.
8. Where Is Lane's Dad, Mr. Kim? And Kirk's Mom?
These characters are referred to constantly throughout the seven
seasons of Gilmore Girls. Lane's parents are referred to in the plural: Mrs.
Kim even acknowledges she had sex with her husband once. Kirk lives with his
mother for a huge portion of his adult life and blames her for many of his
madcap mannerisms. But where the hell are they!?
9. Can You Imagine If Everyone Talked As Fast As Lorelai Gilmore?
This section was going to be titled "Why Is This 15 Year Old Girl
Allowed To Drink So Much Coffee?" until I realized the reason Rory is
allowed to drink an unholy amount is so she can keep up to pace with her
mother. Just watch the clip above [click the link] and, unless you just
popped 20 Adderall, your head will literally spin off its perch while
attempting to keep up.
10. The 'Bad Boys' Really Aren't That Bad
As Rory is a total goody two-shoes, it makes sense that her
boyfriends become the ying to her manicured yang, a means to build her
character and, frankly, make her day-to-day a little less dull. Throughout
the seasons the partners she chooses are deemed "bad boys," but if you think
about it, they're that not bad at all — they're merely teenage boys who
aren't as mollycoddled by their mothers as Rory is by hers. Think about it,
let's look at her three main guys and the reason why Lorelai hated them
initially:
Dean: The minute Rory started dating Dean, Lorelai was
suspicious, hating on him purely because he was from out of town and seemed
a bit thick. In the end? He proved himself to be a kind, caring, much loved
member of Stars Hollow; the only issue being, he was just a bit dull.
Jess: After Dean came Jess, an intelligent guy whom Lorelai
despised thanks to his blasé nature and the fact he stole one beer. To be
fair, he was a bit of an ass to Rory, but he was a teenage boy torn up about
his home life, stuck sharing a one-room apartment with his uncle and,
because of this, understandably a bit pissy. In the end he ditched Rory (and
regretted that move for years to come), but he never actively meant to be a
bad boyfriend.
Logan: Rory's university love, actively shit on by Lorelai
because he was a trust fund kid who, initially, was a scared of commitment.
Yes, he was shitty from time to time, he's a guy in his early 20s enjoying
life and his privilege, but a "bad boy"? No.
I really could continue but, to save digression or the impression
that I don't absolutely adore the show, I shall shut up, leaving you with
the following list of thoughts to tickle your thought-buds up until Gilmore
Girls: A Year In The Life hits Netflix on November 25th.
Other thoughts:
They spend so much time on the phone, their bills must be ginormous!
Why does Paris want to be a doctor when she so clearly hates all
humans?
Why does everyone still listen to Taylor?
What happened to Alex? Did Lorelai literally kill the competition?
[He was the guy who wanted to open a coffee shop and had Lor
sample coffees with him.]
How big is Stars Hollow? There's only like 20 people in every town
meeting.
David